


Cherry Blossom Ending

by sqwaaak



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: A really sad one, Also MJ is a woman, Angst, But like not a funny one, Does it have a happy ending?? Idk, Dongmin is having a gay crisis, Everyone is there but everyone else is just mentioned, I'm trash ofc I would name this after a Busker Busker song, Lots of it, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, They're aged up like a year??, They're at a Busker Busker concert sometime, probably not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2018-12-26 11:49:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12058395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sqwaaak/pseuds/sqwaaak
Summary: "Hey, are you okay?" Sanha was suddenly very close to his face, voice laced with concern. "We can leave, if you want. I've seen them live before,"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey its me i kinda rewrote tbis and i added ALMOST 2000 WORDS RO IT PLESSE LOVE IT
> 
> i just skdkskdkskdks forgot this existed, remembered it existed, remembered how unhappy i was with it, and then went "hey lets jist redo it" yaknow
> 
> bye lmao just read it

Sometimes he wondered what the point of anything was, really. Other times he wondered if tartar sauce was really good with french fries, but would always forget to try it. But, as Dongmin sat in front of his closet, he was wondering what he was going to wear to his platonic date with his work friend, whom he had developed reluctant feelings for. Sometimes, he really hated liking men. He just wished he could be normal (well, maybe not normal in the pure definition of the word, but, as in the norms of society, normal), date a woman, like his manager was. Jinwoo had his life together, had just gotten engaged to his long time girlfriend, Mijin. He wished he could do that, that he could could have children, a house with a wife that loved him. Maybe not a house wife, he was progressive enough, but a house and a wife. A sturdy job, better than the restaurant he hated working at. Of course, sure, he technically could do that, but why would a gay man be happy with a woman?

Gay. Dongmin hated that word. Hated that part of himself. He had been okay with it, when he first moved to Seoul. He hadn't minded, because there were open minded people, like Kibum, a senior of his that he had met in his first year of college. He had just started to really, truly accept himself, when he met Moon Bin. Moon Bin was a year younger than him, and they became fast friends during one of their mutually hated lectures. Of course, at the time, he still hadn't come out to anyone but a few people, South Korea wasn't known for its outstanding acceptance of homosexuals, afterall, so they had been fine at first. It was only after a couple of months of friendship with Bin that Dongmin realized it might be a problem that he was developing romantic feelings for someone that was, well, heterosexual, to put it bluntly. So, he didn't tell Bin anything. For eight months. Only when it had become too unbearable, too painful to see him with other people, to be _really_ serious with someone, when the younger man had gotten a girlfriend, did he confess.

And, as he had expected (and feared, and, deep down wish against), he lost his best friend, one of his only pillars of support since his parents kicked him out. Of course, he always had Kibum, bless his heart, but he couldn't interrupt the older man's life forever, that would make him feel terrible. So, he holed himself up in his small apartment, only focused on studies and his new job, at some American style diner, and stopped making friends. That is, until he met Yoon Sanha. The then high school student had wormed his way into Dongmin's daily routine, and even though the older man was closed off, he was okay with that. Even if he had tried to avoid the boy like the plague at first, Sanha was just to... cute to ignore; he was just the right combination of cute, dramatic, and mischievous to get under the twenty-one year old's skin. Dongmin could only resist someone like that for so long. It had been about a year and a half since they met, give or take, and Dongmin could feel the familiar pull at his heartstrings whenever Sanha laughed with Minhyuk, one of their other coworkers.

So, he had gotten tickets to a Busker Busker concert. He was definitely jealous of Minhyuk, and he wished so desperately that he wasn't, because he didn't want all those feelings. He didn't want his heart to race, and his stomach to knot up, and for his mouth to go dry when he tried to explain himself and his jealous spouts. But, he got the concert tickets, which were a little more expensive than he would've liked to admit, and asked Sanha to go with him, because he knew the younger loved the band with a burning passion (yes, he had willingly listened to him rant, multiple times, despite having almost no interest in them; people did crazy things for love, after all).

Which is what he was preparing for. The (dreaded) concert. He had Kibum on the phone, again, bless his heart, and the man was suggesting that he dress a little warmer, because the concert was being held in an open concert hall, outside, and it was November, near the end of the month, there was no way it was going to be warm. But he was also saying to wear an extra jacket, because Sanha was definitely going to forget, because he was sort of a scatterbrain, if Kibum was being honest with Dongmin, and it would only be the gentlemanly thing to give his date- Dongmin promptly reminded his elder friend that it wasn't a date- his coat. "I don't think ripped jeans are a good idea, Key. Like you said, it's November. Sweat pants are in style, right? Please say sweats are in style, I don't think I have anything else to wear,"

Kibum scoffed, and shuffling from the speaker could be heard. It was probably his boyfriend moving the phone so he could cuddle Kibum, or something equally gross. "If you're _homeless_ , they are. Just wear those thicker pants. You know, the nicer black ones that are a little dressy- no, Junmyeon, not the ones I leant him, he gave those back- but they don't look too expensive, either, because you're a subtle hot bitch. If you catch my drift," they continued talking until Kibum's boyfriend, the aformentioned Junmyeon, started complaining that they were bei g way too loud and he needed sleep so he could survive his physics teacher. "Have fun on your not-date-that's-totally-a-date, kid. If he gets weird, or gross, ditch him and wake me up, we can eat ice cream and watch American movies without subtitles until three in the morning,"

Dongmin smiled fondly, even though he knew he could not be seen by the older man. He was so grateful he had met someone as nice as one of his only remaining friends. "Alright, thanks for helping. It means a lot, really. And I'll call you when I get home, let you know how it goes. I don't think he's gonna get weird, but you never know with kids these days." he half joked, half worried into the phone, and hung up, examining himself in the mirror. He looked stylish, he looked good. Like a model, but low-key. He thanked Kibum a million times over. Who was god when Kim Kibum walked the earth. The twenty-one year old still had about half an hour until he was to meet Sanha at the bus stop, so he decided to plug his phone in and make a quick snack out of some left-over, so that they wouldn't have to buy the overpriced food that was provided at the grounds of the performance. He hated food at events like that anyways, it was always sub-par and overpriced.

But, he was thinking of the concert again, and for a moment, Dongmin let his mind wander to what Sanha was going to wear. Most likely a shirt that had something about the band on it. Or a sweatshirt. Maybe both. Dongmin chuckled, at least he had a really cute crush. He had seen Sanha in about three different Busker Busker shirts, and he wondered which one would make an appearance on that night (if any of them did, he really had no clue what he would see the boy in). Once he finished his leftovers, he padded back to his room, his socks softening the sounds of his steps, and he grabbed his phone to check for any notifications. Nothing but a text of good luck from Kibum was there, thankfully, so he pressed the power button and watched the screen go black. Dongmin walked back out to his living room, picking up a pair of old shoes and slipping them on, grabbing his keys from the coffee table and locking the door behind him. He was about half way down the staircase when he realized he had forgotten his phone, and hurried back up to his room to fetch it, mentally cheering that it had a full charge. After that incident, he jogged to the bus stop, freezing in his tracks when he took in the hair of his companion for the night. Oh sweet baby _Jesus_ , thank Kibum for such a beautiful person to exist.

"Dongmin!" the younger called out, and indeed, he was wearing a Busker Busker shirt under an old, slightly ratty zip up. He waved enthusiastically, noticing that the older man had stopped. Dongmin could see that he chuckled, and Sanha motioned for him to finish his trek to the stop, and the man felt himself almost gravitationally attracted towards the other. Maybe even like magnetic poles, or something.

He could not find words, for a moment, almost gaping at the quite literally white hair. "Your hair." he said dumbly, continuing to stare at it incredulously. It looked so _good._ Sanha looked so handsome with white hair, and he didn't even know what to think about it, because he just couldn't get over how _great_ it looked.

Sanha laughed, and it almost sounded like an angel. Maybe Dongmin was just going crazy, or whatever. He smiled sweetly, shaking his head in amusement. "Yeah, it's white. Do you like it? I just figured that I might need a change. It's pretty cool, if I do say so myself. And I say so," he joked, and it was Dongmin's turn to laugh. And laugh, he did.

Truth be told, he loved the hair. He loved it _so much_ , and it was definitely going to be distracting, which was not a good thing. Not a good thing at all. Because he was supposed to be having a fun time at a concert of a band, where he didn't even know the names of the members, with Sanha, not thinking about combing his hands through the soft looking hair, of brushing it, and styling it ridiculously so that they could both laugh at it afterward. He wasn't supposed to be imagining taking pictures of Sanha, beautiful, beautiful pictures he would probably save forever so that he could look back at his first reciprocated love (if it even was, because he was being delusional again), if they ever split, but they weren't even together in tge first place, so he didn't have to worry about them breaking up. But, no, he really wasn't supposed to be thinking things like that, and it absolutely terrified him just how deep he was within his feelings. He was glad, relieved almost, when the bus pulled up, the two of them paying and then sitting down next to each other, noticing how empty that route was. Most people probably drove or just walked to the concert, but neither of them had a car, and walking seemed like a terrible idea.

Sanha explained the band on their way there, by his request, because he wasnted to know at least a little bit about them. The members, their names, which instruments they played. He revealed that he could not pick a favorite, because he loved the band as a whole, not because of individuals within it. And Sanha clarified that didn't mean that he didn't see them as individuals, because he did. And he continued to spout random fats until they were at their stop, and then got off the bus and continued to explain to his friend. Maybe Dongmin had just wanted to hear him talk, but he would never admit that out loud.

Dongmin listened with curiosity, a soft smile gracing his features as he looked at Sanha, who was animatedly describing one of their music videos. It was so stuoidly adorable, he was so annoyingly cute, Dongmin just wanted to hug him forever. He sighed, wishing he could just grab the younger's hand, but they were in public, and they weren't together, so he pushed that to the back of his mind, instead focusing ahead of him, as they were nearing the stadium where it was being held. The entrance was rather boring, if Dongmin were to recall correctly, and they waited in line as peoples' tickets were processed, and when they were finally inside, twenty minutes before the show, they decided to just head to their seats, which were near the middle, and had an adequate view of the stage. Trying to buy some merchandise or anything at all before the show sounded terrifying.

The events started out with the group greeting their fans, asking customary questions, and it went on like that, just a standard start of a concert, for near ten minutes. Once they actually started playing music, cheers got louder than even when the band had first come out, and Dongmin could barely hear himself think. It was giving him a bit of a headache, but Sanha's happiness was worth it. He let himself enjoy the show for awhile, but, started inevitably wondering why he had even thought taking Sanha out was a good idea. He was just going to hurt himself again, by getting his hopes up just because the boy was single. It was going to be Bin all over again, and he was going to have to quit his job, just like last time, and work back at Kibum's store, with Bin next door, if he still worked at that dry cleaning place (Dongmin hoped he didn't). And he couldn't do that, didn't think he would be able to handle seeing the man that broke his heart, on a near daily basis. Plus, Bin would probably try and do something to Kibum or his workers, he was petty like that, and Dongmin wasn't going to do that to the only person that had been with him, stayed with him, been literally the only one to care for him, no matter what.

Dongmin had almost forgotten about the younger man next to him, because he was so lost in his negative thoughts. Sanha had long since stood up, the dazzling smile on his face further brightened by the artificial lights that were on the stage. He watched Sanha happily chant along with the lyrics of whatever song was playing, leaning forward in his seat to examine the young face. He really was so pretty, and Dongmin was breathless for a moment. Longer than a moment, it felt like a short eternity that his breath was stuck in his throat. He had look down into his lap, at his hands, to prevent himself from doing something they would both regret. He felt just a little sick (a lot sick), he couldn't- _wouldn't_ let his feelings get in the way of a such great friendship. Not like the way that had happened between him and Bin, he would never make that mistake again. Coming out had always been the worst thing he could have done, it had gotten him disowned by his parents, isolated from his hometown, and then he lost his best friend. Never again, he would never tell anyone about his sexuality again.

"Hey, are you okay?" Sanha was suddenly very close to his face, voice laced with concern. He had to yell over the fans, and the music, but the worry was painfully obvious, and Dongmin wanted to barf. "We can leave, if you want. I've seen them live before,"

He looked over quicky, he wanted to yell that _no,_ no he _wasn't_ okay, Sanha was doing things to him that he couldn't explain, and he hated it. He hated it so much. Their breath mingled, and it felt like time had frozen. Neither spoke for what seemed like three songs, just staring at each other, so close he could almost count Sanha's eyelashed if he wanted to, and Dongmin was slowly panicking, because Sanha was searching his face for something, but he didn't know what. What was he searching for? Dongmin's eyes flicked down to the other's lips momentarily, and he wanted to lean forward just thst extra bit, but he didn't. He wouldn't. The man swallowed, his throat suddenly extremely dry. "... I'm fine," he said at last, leaning back and closing his eyes, listening as Sanha stood back up started sing once more. The show didn't go one for much longer after that, they had been lost in each other for longer than originally thought, and the two of them waited a bit for the other fans to clear out so that it would be easier (less hectic, crowds were always so hard to navigate, so easy to get lost in) when it came time for them to leave.

When they began walking out, it was a lively conversation at first, Sanha was gushing about how great the band was live, and Dongmin agreeing with the most genuine smiles he had felt grace in a long time. He felt comfortable, peaceful, almost. Sanha was walking on the edge of the sidewalk, balancing on it with his arms out a bit. It was too late for buses, so they were walking home. The feeling, that feeling of being at ease with himself for a rare moment, lasted until Sanha almost fell into the street, having stepped wrong, and he grabbed the boy's hand to balance him. Sanha just stared up at him, bug eyed, and he repeated the gesture, almost comically frozen, eyes switching between his friend's face and their hands. He was going to let go, let him regain his balance, or maybe laugh at him if he did end uo falling, when Sanha got up on the sidewalk again, and kept walking. He didn't let go of his hand.

and he dragged Dongmin along a bit, the two of them falling into a gradually tensing silence. They just walked, and walked, the crunch of dead leaves, the steady __t__ _ _ _hump___ of their feet and their breathing the only sounds to comfort Dongmin from the possible panic attack, as he was being led by the object of his heavily unwanted affections. "Sanha," he stopped walking, the younger turning back to look at him after he was jerked backwards by the sudden halt, and his cheeks were slightly flushed, pink from the cold, a warm, shy smile on his face as he continued to hold onto Dongmin's right hand. The elder smiled back tensely, licking his lips. "Come here," he was really going to confess, he was really going to go against everything he had been telling himself not to do all night. He was going to do it, and he was going to hurt himself.

Sanha obeyed, walking back a couple of steps and facing his friend after he switched the way they were holding hands so it would be easier. "What is it?" he was still smiling softly, breathing through his nose as Dongmin looked down at his lips again, and then back up at the younger male's eyes. Neither said anything, and Sanha felt the air start to tense even heavier as they stood there longer, in the familiar silence. Suddenly, lips were on his, and all the air in his lungs was gone. Because Dongmin was kissing him, Dongmin was kissing him in _public_ , and he should have pushed away, should have told him that they weren't supposed to do that, that anyone could see them, and he didn't want Dongmin to be hurt, but he didn't. Because he _liked_ it, it felt nice, just felt so nice to be kissed like that; it felt right. And, for some reason, that thought didn't bother him at all. He had never really given his feelings for his friend much thought, and some things were starting to make sense. But, it was over too soon, Dongmin was pulling back in a panic, letting go of his hand. He stepped back a bit, eyes flashing with so many emotions, but it was mostly panic and anger, probably self-inflicted.

"Sanha, I'm so sorry- I didn't mean to- shit, _shit,_ I'm so, so sorry- you can just forget about this. God, I'm so stupid, I didn't mean to force that on you, I'm so _s_ _ _orry-__ " he stumbled over his words, eyes looking anywhere but at the younger boy, and he went to turn around.

Sanha was hurt. It hurt. Dongmin thought he didn't want it? He thought he didn't like him? Maybe Sanha hadn't known either, but it hurt him regardless. He grabbed the older man's arm so he couldn't leave, it was so important that he say something to Dongmin. "Please don't say sorry." he started, mind rushing in trying to find a proper response. "Don't say that after you finally kissed me. I don't want this to be a sorry, Dongmin. I don't want to forget about it. I _don't_ want you to regret this. Because I don't know what's going on, honestly, but I like you. I liked tonight. I like spending _time_ with you, and I liked kissing you. I especially liked kissing you. I don't know what happened to you in the past, but please, try. If not for yourself, for me. Please,"

Dongmin's head hurt, his heart was pounding, he could barely think because he was so upset. He turned back around to face him. "Sanha, you really don't understand. If we're together, you could get beaten, maybe killed. You know how people here are. I can't see that happen to you, not ever. It's happened to me before, and I've lost so many people because of who I am. Almost all the people I've ever loved left me because I kiss boys instead of girls. I don't want that for you, I can't have that for you, I-" his breah hitched in his chest, and he was really about to cry. "I care about you way too much, I can't see you hurt like me!"

He kissed Dongmin again, sending the two of them stumbling backwards with the pure power of it, the raw passion behind his actions as he gripped the back of his head and pressed their lips together with an almost bruising force. "I don't care! I don't care, all I want is to be with you. Right now, all I want is to walk home holding your hand, to be stupid and, I don't know, sit at some playground like edgy middle schoolers. I want to kiss you while we wait to cross the streets. I want to fall asleep next to you, just because we can. Just because we can." he shakily inhaled, resting their foreheads together. "I want to live with you, someday, probably. And I don't care about all the awful people. You've survived this long, yeah? Then survive with me. You don't have to be alone anymore, Dongmin. Let me be there for you, let me be your rock. Even if you feel like you're drowning... Just, please, let me be that for you," his tone had gone from harsh to sad, and at the end he was barely whispering, and the two of them were breathing heavily.

Dongmin started crying, and he couldn't stop, not even when Sanha pulled him in, hugging him and letting him sob onto his shoulder, arms around Sanha. They just stood there, in the freezing cold November air, and Dongmin cried his heart out. Once it had calmed, they continued walking, hand in hand again. They did kiss, while waiting to cross the street, and, when they got back to his place, Dongmin let Sanha borrow some pajamas. They were facing each other, hands interlaced, and Sanha tiredly whispered to him, words which Dongmin answered with kisses and pets to his head. When Sanha fell asleep, and so Dongmin reached over him, to grab his phone, to call Kibum.

"Hello?" his voice was gravelly with sleep, and he yawned from the other line. Dongmin only felt a little bad for waking him up. He was too happy/anxious with his newfound relationship to think of anyone else but himself and the boy sleeping next to him at that moment. "How did your date go? Did he turn out straight?"

Dongmin looked down at Sanha again. He brushed a bit of stray hair out of his eyes, smiling at the small furrow of his brow, heart filling up when his face relaxed again. They were getting into a hell of a mess, being together, he knew that for sure. Not only were they both men, but their age differenct would most likely be frowned on by many even in their community, because of how young Sanha was. But he couldn't bring himself to be concerned with that, because Sanha looked so happy, curled up in the elder's bed and wearing an old shirt. He looked so cute. "No, he kissed me,"


	2. hey nerds

should i make a sequel to this also the entire purpose of this chapter is just so itll be at the top so you nerds can see that i edited this and made it even edgier read it

anyways!

should i do a sequel

if i should what shoudl i do because idk how to continue this feed me ideas gremlins


	3. follow my fucking twitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> do it and vote on my poll please

im writing a sequel to this bitch so follow me [here](https://twitter.com/sqwaaak_off?s=09) to vote on my poll im sorry i wasted your time

**Author's Note:**

> yea im crying still


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